Continental Breakfast Should Be an Inalienable Right

I've stayed at four hotels this summer and two of them provided an excellent continental breakfast. They were all the same price, but two of them felt that it was important to feed me, the loving consumer, a hot, prepared breakfast of something resembling eggs and meat.
They should do this everywhere. There is nothing more depressing than the half-assed continental breakfasts the only involve a pile of Honeybuns (still in the cellophane, of course) and one of those metal urns full of that shitty church basement coffee. Speaking of which, what is this horrible brand that all churches and offices serve? Brim?

The Holiday Inn in Mentor, Ohio has a particularly bad-assed breakfast buffet that serves until 10. I got down there at 9:50 and hopped in line. This old bitch in front of had to stare at every offering in the buffet like it was one of those 3D posters. Finally, I realized that if I didn’t make my move, this old crow might cost me my delicious egg-like product. Then when I went around her, she shot me a pissy look. Can you believe that shit? Stephen Hawking could have moved faster through this line. Undaunted, I proceeded to pass her fat ass and use up the rest of the gravy. I was actually doing her a favor. She needed more gravy like Christopher Reeve needs a pair of roller skates.

Please, feel free to share your continental breakfast stories with the rest of the class.