Wow - this kid really knocked it out of the park. Even dogs can walk up an aisle without being escorted.With my own nuptials in the planning, I had some time to reflect on the worst parts of the typical wedding. These are things that many brides shit their pants about, but that nobody else really notices or cares about, and often would rather do without.
1) Being in the wedding party. This is the biggest non-gift you can give a friend. It automatically doubles the cost of the wedding for each person in the party (tux or dress, endless party showers and group events), and that photo shoot is excruciating. Thanks, but no thanks.
2) The flower girl. Has this ever worked? I have yet to attend a wedding where the kid makes it down the aisle. It usually devolves into a crying fit before they even start, like they’re about to hit the Trail of Tears. The other option is that the kid stands there like a vegetable and mom has to come and coax them down the aisle. This is supposed to be the kid’s show, mom. Nobody wants to see your dumb ass. In fact, nobody wants to see the kid either.
3) Putting an announcement in the invitation about where you are registered for gifts. Slow down, greedy.
4) The cake. Do you know how ungodly expensive these things are? Who really eats it besides grandma and the kids (who should be at home anyway)? By the time the cake comes around, I’m itching for that bar to reopen, not gearing up to watch two idiots shove $60 slices of cake into each others’ faces.
5) Taking off the garter with your mouth. Trashy.
1) Being in the wedding party. This is the biggest non-gift you can give a friend. It automatically doubles the cost of the wedding for each person in the party (tux or dress, endless party showers and group events), and that photo shoot is excruciating. Thanks, but no thanks.
2) The flower girl. Has this ever worked? I have yet to attend a wedding where the kid makes it down the aisle. It usually devolves into a crying fit before they even start, like they’re about to hit the Trail of Tears. The other option is that the kid stands there like a vegetable and mom has to come and coax them down the aisle. This is supposed to be the kid’s show, mom. Nobody wants to see your dumb ass. In fact, nobody wants to see the kid either.
3) Putting an announcement in the invitation about where you are registered for gifts. Slow down, greedy.
4) The cake. Do you know how ungodly expensive these things are? Who really eats it besides grandma and the kids (who should be at home anyway)? By the time the cake comes around, I’m itching for that bar to reopen, not gearing up to watch two idiots shove $60 slices of cake into each others’ faces.
5) Taking off the garter with your mouth. Trashy.
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