Bachelor Parties are Really Kind of Gay

I went to a bachelor party this weekend, and I came to the realization that these things are pretty gay. Where else would you find a bunch of guys standing in a circle watching a stripper dry hump some guy you have known for years. Would you watch him and his girlfriend do it? Would you tag team with this guy? You’d probably think that was pretty gay. But bachelor parties are totally different, right? Is this thing on?

While I’m on the topic of bachelor parties, what is the deal with urine at these things? I’ve been to three bachelor parties that involved urine. The first two, the stripper pissed on the groom. Pretty gross, right?

When did it become hot to have chicks pee on you? I’m a fairly freaky guy, but this is where I draw the line. Maybe for an after party she can shit on my head. I don’t think you could get me drunk enough to sit still for this. If some stripper tries to piss on me, there’s a 120% chance she’s getting a dragon punch right in the twat.

Now, you notice I didn’t tell you about the third piss party story. Well, your wait is over. This show took it the extra mile. Rather than just gross everybody out by having the stripper pee on him, this overachiever took it the extra mile and drank a shot of the stripper’s piss. That’s someone who’s going to make his mark in the world.

I was there as a boyfriend on his fiancé’s friend, so I don’t hang with this cat every day. Maybe that’s why I couldn‘t understand the crowd of his so-called friends cheering for him to drink piss. I felt like there was something wrong with me - like I was missing the point. If I cheer for him to lick out the toilet at Walgreens, will he do that too? Maybe he just craves recognition.